Edith Takes a Bath
by Nonya B. Swackz
Summary: It s time for Edith to take a bath but she won t take one! Can Gru bathe his little rebel? Rated K-Plus for mild suggestive humor. (Based on a dream I had)
1. The War Begins

**Edith Takes a Bath**

 **ATTEMPT #1: THE WAR BEGINS**

7-year-old troublemaker Edith Gru was playing out in the mud one day, and when he saw her, her father had only three words to say to her:

"OK, bath time!"

Edith´s deep gray eyes widened in horror.

" _NO_ , Daddy! Baths are _baaaad!_ " the tomboy cried, pulling her beloved wool tassel hat over her eyes.

Her father lifted her hat up so he could look at her. "But yoo are filthy."

Edith humphed and sat down on the hardwood floor, pouting.

Groaning in frustration, Gru tried pulling his middle daughter up the stairs by the arm.

"Edith," he grunted, trying to fight against the little girl´s kicks and squirms. "Yoo - _urgh_ \- haff - to - take - _urgh_ \- a BATH!"

"No - I - DON`T!"

Edith kicked her father in the shins and ran away, snickering.

"EDITH MILDRED GRU!" Gru shouted after her, hopping on one foot. "VEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOO, YOO ARE IN _BEEG_ TROUBLE, YOUNG LADY!"

It was then that Gru`s eldest daughter, Margo Gru, entered the playroom toting a notebook and pencil.

"Dad?" the 10-year-old said. "What´s going on? Why´re you screaming?¨

Gru put his face in his hands and sighed. "Yur seester eez refusing to take a bath."

"Oh, dear," Margo sighed, and she face-palmed too. "Seven years later..."

Gru raised his eyebrows in shock.

"Are yoo saying she's done dees _all her life_?"

Margo nodded wearily. "Ms. Hattie would have to chase her all around the Home for bath time. It's in the adoption papers."

Gru took said papers out of his pocket and perused them.

"Oh, so eet does," he said. "Eet also says she hates _Sleeping Beauty_ and _Twilight_ but likes _Bratz_ and Shania Twain."

"Ugh, blasphemy," Margo scoffed, clenching her fist.

And thus began an all-out war between father and daughter, over the daughter taking a bath.

(Which reminds me, have you seen the latest episode of _Soul Eater_? It's awesome!)


	2. Bribery

**ATTEMPT #2: BRIBERY**

For his first attempt at getting Edith to take a bath, Gru took an extra-large cookie and took it up to the attic where the 7-year-old was hiding, as cookies were her favorite snack.

"Oh, _Ediiiiiiith!_ " the villain called in a singsong voice, holding the cookie up for his tomboyish daughter to see. "Eef yoo take a bath, I´ll geeve yoo a _coooookie!_ "

Edith´s silvery deep-gray eyes widened with desire from where she was hiding behind some crates, and her mouth began to water.

" _No, I - must - RESIST!_ " the tomboy thought, fighting the powerful urge to jump out and grab the cookie from her dad.

"Mmmm," Gru teased, holding the cookie up higher. "Too bad yoo von´t take a bath, Edith, I know cookies are yur favorite!" He sniffed the cookie and sighed for effect.

Edith began to whimper like Kyle did when Agnes wouldn´t pet him, and her knees literally trembled beneath her leggings with the powerful desire to jump out and grab the cookie from her adoptive father.

"Vell, I guess eef yur not gonna take a bath I´ll just go ahead and geeve dees cookie to Agnes," Gru said pointedly, turning to the staircase leading to the hallway.

Edith pulled on the tassels of her hat, gray eyes alight with craving.

" _Oh, forget it!_ " she thought, jumping out from behind the crates and panting on all fours like a dog.

Chuckling, Gru led his daughter to the girls´ bathroom on the third floor, whereupon he gave her the cookie to munch on (which she did with a blissful look on her face, as if nothing else in the world mattered) while he drew her bath, added bubble soap, etc.

It wasn't ´til she finished her cookie that Edith finally realized what her dad was doing.

"NO, Daddy! I´m NOT taking a bath," the blonde 7-year-old stated, stomping her foot and folding her arms, despite the fact that she now had chocolate chip cookie on her face in addition to the mud that caked her arms, boots, skirt, and sweater.

"Yes yoo are!" Gru snapped, reaching for his middle child.

But Edith had already bolted out the door.


	3. Strange Hypnosis

**ATTEMPT #3: STRANGE HYPNOSIS**

Edith was playing with her cars in the living room when her dad entered and waved a pocketwatch in her face, mesmerizing her.

¨Ven I snap my fingers, you vill repeat _everything_ I say!¨ the villain commanded.

With a snap of his fingers, Gru had the little blonde repeat the following words: _¨bathtub¨, ¨soap¨, ¨towel¨, ¨rubber ducky¨, ¨water¨, ¨bikini¨._

Gru turned bright red at the prospect of having his little kitten say that last word, and once he´d snapped her out of her trance she turned red, too.

¨Dees never happened, agreed?¨ the villain murmured as he sat down and picked up his newspaper.

¨Agreed,¨ Edith murmured back, turning back to her cars.


	4. Force If Necessary

**ATTEMPT #4: FORCE IF NECESSARY**

Gru decided he´d had enough of Edith´s crap, so he picked her up when she was playing planes and carried her to the bathroom.

¨Stop it, Daddy! I WON´T take a bath, I WON´T!¨ the 7-year-old screamed, trying to wriggle her way out of her father´s grasp.

¨Vut eez so _bad_ about taking a bath?¨ Gru grunted, struggling to keep a hold on Edith.

¨I can´t make mud pies!¨ Edith screamed.

¨Vell, too bad!¨ Gru said, approaching the tub. ¨Yoo are taking a bath, so get in _de tub!_ ¨

He tried throwing his rebellious daughter in the bathtub, but she clung to his arm, shaking her head in fear. He tried again; he clung to his gray smock. Again; she clung to his back. Once more, and they were flung out the window and onto the grass.

¨You OK, Daddy?¨ Edith asked, standing over her father with concern in spite of herself.

Gru chuckled. Though he´d forgotten a couple minutes ago, he´d suddenly re-remembered why he´d fallen in love with these girls: they made his life a lot more _interesting._

¨Of course yoo realize, dees means _war!_ ¨


	5. Water Fight!

**FINAL ATTEMPT: WATER FIGHT!**

Gru suited up with a large squirt gun and added war paint. If Edith wouldn´t take a bath, _he´d take the bath to her._

¨ _Oh, Ediiiiith!_ " he sang as he walked into the living room where the blonde was playing _Sonic Unleashed_ on her GameCube.

Edith looked up and gasped at the sight of her father towering over her with a loaded squirt gun, her gray eyes dilated in horror.

Gru cocked his squirt gun, a mischievous glint in his eye.

¨It´s bath time, Edi.¨

The villain chased his daughter all around the house - getting Margo and Dr. Nefario wet in the process - until Edith finally found her own squirt gun in her/her sisters´ room, which she filled with dirty water and chased her dad with.

Eventually, the two made it to the backyard and climbed the tree up there.

¨I´ll geeve yoo vun last chance, Edith,¨ Gru said, pointing his squirt gun at his middle daughter. ¨Take a bath, or suffer de consequences!¨

¨NEVER!" Edith cried.

She tried to squirt her dad, but her gun was all out of ammo. So she jumped off the tree...and fell into the mud below, making her so dirty she´d _have_ to take a bath.

¨I´m a dirty girl,¨ Edith mumbled feebly, as her little sister Agnes giggled at her (¨Muck, muck!¨).

LATER, IN THE BATHROOM…

Gru was finally giving a sulking Edith a bath.

¨Y´see, Edith, baths are eemportant,¨ said the villain. ¨´Cuz eef yoo don´t take yur bath, no vun vill vaunt to be around yoo.¨

When Edith only grunted in reply, Gru frowned, but then he got an idea; he pulled out a toy pirate ship and put it in the bath. The tomboy smiled and grabbed the ship eagerly; she liked pirates.

¨Oh, I made you something!" Edith exclaimed, and she reached over and grabbed a mound of mud from her sweater pocket on the floor and handed it to her dad.

Gru stared at the mound in his hand dubiously.

¨Vut eez eet?¨

¨A mud pie!¨ Edith exclaimed with a huge smile, still clutching her pirate ship.

Gru looked at his daughter blankly.

¨Uhhhh...¨

 **The end!**


End file.
